Why I'm not blogging much

This guy keeps me soooo busy... and tired!

Work is INSANE

And when I get home from work and wrangling the spaghetti covered boy, I sit down and watch the Olympics

And cry like I am her mother when she lost

And think he should have taken this more seriously...

I have Olympic fever. I didn't even want to watch True Blood last night because gymnastics was on!

If you don't know me by now...

If you really knew me...

-you'd know I am extremely self conscious. i hate all photos of myself.
-you'd know I have eyes only for my husband.
-you'd know how conflicted I am about working vs. staying home.
-you'd know I love my job which causes much of the above confliction
-you'd know I am only really good at the technical part of my job, and not as good at the fru-fru part of my job.
-you'd know I wish I could live back home close to family but I could never give up big city life.
-you'd know I am a super disgusting nail biter. Can't give it up.
-you'd know how much I wish I could stop being a super disgusting nail biter.
-you'd know that I still love my pets even after having a child.
-you'd know that I am serious when I say Logan will be an only child.
-you'd know I have a grody scar on my chest that looks like I had heart surgery but I didn't. I cut it in the lake when I was 7 and promptly got hepatitis.
-you'd know I will never forget how the receptionist at the hospital backed away from me when my mom said "We are here to get her tested for hepatitis."
-you'd know I missed one month of school and still remember waking up to Pee-Wee's playhouse...
-you'd know I have chronic stomach issues
-you'd know I am actually terrified of how bad I would be as a stay at home mom.
-you'd know I am slightly agoraphobic and actually hate entertaining large groups of people at my house. I've had to hide in the bathroom before.
-you'd know that Logan is the light of our lives.

Enough useless information for today?

-Update - I am feeling much better. I was started on Pristique - which SUCKED and I moved back to Zoloft which got me through those post partum days. I am calmer and sleeping better. I am patient with Logan again.

Logan Update - we went to the ENT on Monday and of course his ears and nose were bone dry and there was nothing for the Dr to investigate. Today I noticed clear snot. Please let it just be allergies because I can't handle more sickness! Dr thinks maybe it's the adenoids. He gets this from his Dad...

Sorry for lack of blogging. Lee is traveling and I am so busy at work. I will try harder! Have a great weekend!

Update on Weight

Back in November, I posted about being overweight. My clothes not fitting, etc.

Since November, I have lost 20 pounds! And instead of bulging over my pants, I look like this:

Sorry for the teenager-esque bathroom mirror photo!

I was much more comfortable in my bathing suit on vacation than I ever have been and felt good in all my clothes.

I hope I can keep it off because I really love to eat buffalo wings and drink wine.

Maui

Other than the panic attack, Maui was amazing. This was our first trip away from Logan for more than 2 nights. I was a nervous wreck but once we got there I did a lot better.

We stayed at the Ritz Carlton Maui. I should let you know, this was an incentive trip with Lee's company - we didn't exactly have to pay for this...

Ok enough rambling, let's have photos!

Sunrise on the beach

View from our room

Beautiful Rainbow

Our suite!

Can you spot the rainbow?

THE POOL!

The walk to the beach

We started walking the cliffs, it was gorgeous!

People were swimming off the cliffs. (no she is not naked)

Blue lagoon indeed...

The edge of the cliff

Volcanic rock

Shopping in Lahaina

The ocean view while shopping

Super cool Banyan Tree. It's all one tree! (check it out on Wiki)

Honu, my new favorite happy place. We had grilled octopus!

Upgraded! First class pod on the way home

Toasted cashews with my wine? Excellent!

Ice cream sundae!

 Sorry for the dark photos at the end. I was trying to make myself a little less high school and didn't want to use the flash to alert the whole cabin that I was a first class newbie!

 We had a wonderful time and rumor has it, next year is Kauai!

Better make some money Lee - once you get upgraded to first class you can't go back!

Firsts

I owe you vacation picks - but I have yet to have time to edit them so I don't have them ready yet.

I thought I would touch base on something that happened while we were in Hawaii. Something that has never happened to me before.

I had a panic attack.

Guys, it was something else.

The racing heart. The sweaty forehead. The need to hide.

Overwhelming.

Here's the story...

It's Wednesday and the night of the big banquet dinner. Lee and I are all dressed up and ready to have a nice night. We go to the ballroom and the minute we walk in the door we are assaulted with noise.

Unbelievable amounts of noise.

Imagine if you will walking into a room of 780 people, the decor in bright reds and yellows. On 4 pedestals are people dressed up as the Beatles "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club."

It's freaking bizarre and these people are SHOUTING at us, trying to help us find our tables. The issue is that all four people are coming out of the speakers at the same time. It's like a schizophrenic nightmare of epic proportions.

We find our table and endure this noise for at least 10 more minutes. Every minute that goes by I am getting more and more anxious and want to leave. The problem is I can't leave. It's a dinner where we are sitting with Lee's boss and fellow colleagues. This makes me feel trapped.

I start wishing I had a little of this in my bag:

I make it through the salad course, not eating anything. The appetizers come and I still can't eat. I have left and come back once already and everytime I start to calm down, the noise starts again. At this point, they have brought out these brothers who beatbox.

Beatboxing? What the hell does that have to do with (A) Sgt. Pepper's and (B) Hawaii?

I lose it and have to leave right as the main course is being served. I went back to the room and laid on the bed in the dark, taking deep breaths. Lee comes in a little later and I start crying because I not only left this dinner, but I left him. He is more than understanding. Eventually, I have cried all the tears, wished I was home, and exhausted myself.

The next day I felt this weight in my chest the entire day. To tell you the truth, it hasn't quite left. I am super anxious. My heart keeps racing. I get the shivers. I keep finding my shoulders up by my ears.

I am seeing a Dr on Wednesday to see what's up. I need some chill pills. I need something to help me cope with all the stress and responsibility in life these days.

For instance - after missing work for a week, Logan got another ear infection today. So on top of stress of catching up at work, I am stressed that Logan is sick again. AGAIN.

Wine just isn't enough these days... 

I promise, fun happy photos will be up SOON!

Vacation

Lee and I are heading out on our first real vacation since Logan was born.

Yes I am freaking out, how did you know?

Logan even thought a great send off present would be a nose AND ear infection. At least I got the meds and all that sorted out so all my mom has to do is administer them (and maybe give a few extra kisses).

We are off to Maui, thanks to Lee doing a kick ass job at work and earning the trip. So basically we are going to stay at the Ritz Carlton for... free. FREE PEOPLE!

I will have lots of photos and stories when I return, but for next week, don't expect to see any blogging. I am only taking the ipad, no laptop, so I won't be able to put any photos up.

Hopefully this change in latitude will change my attitude.

Photo I took in Kona a few years ago...

Finito!

The kitchen is done!

With a new color as well! Sherwin Williams Ivoire.

Now to stress relax about leaving for vacation in a few days...

Where I work

Now and then, when feeling bored inspired, I take a photo of my desk in it's current state to share.

So while working on Friday, I rolled back, too this photo and doctored it up.

As you can see, it's a little messy. I have old coffee laying around and othe misc crap just shoved everywhere. What you don't see off to the right is my other worksurface, covered in papers. Hey, when you have a 5-floor project that needs to be basically complete in a week, things get a little hairy.

I'm curious - what does YOUR workspace look like? Any of you SAHM's, take a photo of where you chill while your little one(s) are resting and you have that whole 5 minutes alone! Working moms, take a photo of your work space. Leave me a comment with your link and make sure to link back!

Have a great week everyone!