Sunday, January 30, 2011

2 Months old!

Today, Logan is turning 2 months old... it has gone by really really fast!

Here are some of the things he now does:

Smiles when you smile at him:Sorry it's blurry, but he never stops moving. Ever.

  • Sleeps 4-5 hours in a row at night, falls back asleep easily after his bottle, sleeps 3 more hours.
  • Coo's
  • Holds head up extremely well, but still not totally stable
  • Lifts part of chest off ground when on tummy
  • Focuses on your eyes
  • Eats 5 ounces at a time
  • Has blown right through (and out of, several times) Size 1 diapers and is now in size 2.
Wednesday he has his shots, which I hear are traumatic for everyone involved. I will find out what he weighs when we go in. Last time, about 3 weeks ago, he was 9 pounds 6 ounces.

We are working on sitting up, but he is a little young for that. Once his head control is better I am going to order him a bumbo and a jumparoo. I like this one:His favorite thing to lay on is his Boppy Lounger:That is his first pair of jeans. Look at his little belly!!

He also enjoys his swing a lot:
I am guaranteed a least 30 minutes to myself once he is in there. Sometimes more. At least I know I can shower and eat something. Then he usually ends up on the boppy next to me on the couch.

Recently I purchased a sling so that on days he really wants to be held (um.. today) I can put him in that and still have 2 hands. That way I can read, play online, etc.

I have 4 weeks left at home and I am starting to get anxious about that! Things are finally getting easier (and fun!) and then I go to work. Damn.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Restful Afternoon

Logan is slowly but surely doing better at night, so the days for me are getting to where I can get things done around the house rather than sit around in a daze trying to take a nap.

So, I took a break from my Gilmore-ing and looked around - noticing how everyone in the house was sleeping/resting, while I guzzle coffee...

Teddy, the spaz that he is, decided to crash on the floor:And Lola, the princess that she is, took up snuggling on the sofa with a blanket:
Logan was on his boppy lounger, his favorite thing in the world at this point (a.k.a. the only place he takes a decent nap):
I had to search the 3 spots the cat takes to find her:
Today it was the guest bed. Sometimes it my bed or Logan's bouncy seat. He doesn't use it but Lilly likes it just fine.

Me? Watching Gilmore and drinking coffee...Maternity Leave... Restful finally ;)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I must be stopped

I vowed to myself that when I was home for 3 months on maternity leave I would NOT watch (and get addicted to) daytime television.

So I have browsed through Netflix Streaming to watch tv shows, tried How I Met Your Mother (it's just eh...) and exhausted On Demand.

So, my boss was very sweet to bring me the entire series of Gilmore Girls...

There were 7 seasons... 6 disks each season...

I am on Season 4 currently, disk 5.

It's all I watch during the day...

My schedule looks something like this:

7am-ish: Up, feeding Logan - watching news. (this is just about the only way I have any idea what the weather is doing most days...)

8am - Turn on Lifetime (shudder) to watch Fraiser. Gobble cereal while he chills.

9am - Baby is asleep! Me too!

10:30am - wake up and feed baby. While the bottle is warming and I am shoving the paci in his mouth over and over "Just one more minute!!" I am turning on the DVD player and getting all set up for Gilmore. Big ass cup of coffee included.

Repeat all day. Tummy time takes place on the floor in front of the tv. Everything takes place in front of the tv.. I consume around 3 cups of coffee from 11am - 2pm. (of course things change if I venture out to Target and hand them the paycheck I am no longer receiving). Oh yeah, let dogs inside and outside no fewer than 150 times.

If Target trip happens, I ALWAYS get pissed at the Starbucks inside because they eff something up. One day, no joke, the ESPRESSO MACHINE WAS BROKEN. WHAT? I have a newborn baby and I can't have my Venti Caramel Macchiatto? WHAT?

Sorry. For the record, plain coffee with half and half and sugar, and about half the shaker of that lame vanilla powder at the mixing counter does NOT substitute for a latte. Not even a little.

6pm: Lee is usually home and the Gilmore's get a rest. Bath time for Logan.

7:30pm - dinner while Logan is asleep on his Boppy Lounger or in the swing. Eat faster than you ever thought possible. He always wakes back up.

10 or 10:30pm - feed him again and pray to all Gods that he sleeps. Get in bed and tune my ears for all baby noises.

3 or 4am - feed baby. Stumble through the house lit only by night lights. Pray baby goes back to sleep quickly. More than likely get bodily fluids of some sort on me. It ALWAYS seems to happen in the middle of the night.

7am - Start all over.

I don't get why he will sleep 4 - 5 hours (from 11- 3 or 4) and then only 2ish in the next stretch.
Maybe he is a 7am guy.

Just like Teddy.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Cute photo of the day

Family Reunion

Saturday we traveled 3 hours northeast to my hometown of Palestine (pronounced Pal-es-TEEN, not STINE... we get sensitive about that...) so Logan could meet my entire family.
In 2010 there were 3 babies born in 3 months!
First was Olivia LeeAnn Tatum in September.
Then Zoey Mae Williams in October.
And then Logan in November.
This was the first time all 3 babies were together!
Within 30 seconds, the camera was out and we were positioned...
From left to right - Bryant holding his daughter Olivia.
Me and Logan (kind of smiling isn't he?)
Audrea holding Zoey and her other daughter Hannah in front of us.
Billy with his girls, Katelyn and Maddie.

Our family is blowing up!!

My grandmother loved on Logan for hours and worked her magic ways on him. I got some naps.. it was great!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Happy Days are still achievable

Things are way better. In fact the meds "taking the edge off" means I actually sleep better when I do sleep. Before I just laid there thinking "he is going to wake up.." or "why isn't he asleep!!??" Now, I just fall on asleep.

On Saturday Lee, Donald, Logan and I trooped down to Galveston so Lee could be a judge in a craft beer competition. Getting out of the house is EXACTLY what I needed. I mean more than just taking Logan to Target or going for a quick dinner. This was a total day out as a family.
We also busted out the Baby Bjorn and it was so awesome!
He slept against my chest pretty much the whole time. Donald and I hit up Starbucks and that is where we sat and fed him. I really need to start charging folks for saying "Look at his hair!!"
Logan had lots of admirers throughout the day. Just under 7 weeks old and already a ladies man!

Speaking of almost 7 weeks - last week at the Dr he was weighing in at 9 pounds, 6 ounces and 21.5 inches long. He is only in the 25th percentile still. Little man!
He changes every single day!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Little Rain Cloud

Where have I been?

Under a little rain cloud it seems.

You know, I think all bloggers start out wanting to show the happy, good sides of their lives. Look, we got a new car! Look, we finished our remodel! Look, puppies!!

But rarely do you really see someone put out there the bad, hard stuff.

So, I have decided to just put it all out there and be an honest blogger.

6 weeks ago, Mr. Logan was born after a fairly eventful labor. Tons of fanfare. In fact, I am surprised there wasn't a parade.

Every day I am thankful and happy for this little boy. He is beautiful and perfect and sure keeps me guessing. Everyday he does something that makes me laugh.

But in all that happiness and thankfullness - there is the underlying stress and sleep deprivation that eventually takes it's toll.

In the last 2 weeks, it has really gotten out of hand for me.

Everything makes me cry.
Everything makes me stress.
I snap at my friends and family.
Every day seems to be harder, not easier.

And while I know the reason is because I don't sleep anymore, there still isn't much I can do to control how it affects me.

First, it has been discovered that Logan suffers (and boy do I mean suffer) from reflux. It was hard to figure out because isn't the kind of GERD baby that vomits and spits up a lot. In fact spit up isn't really all that common with him.

In a moment of desperation I called and hired a baby nurse for 1 day to help me. I wanted someone else to look at him and assess why he doesn't nap, why he doesn't sleep unless I hold him or sleep next to him on the guest bed.. why he fusses constantly. She held him for 10 minutes and said "this baby has silent reflux." The only noise he makes that really tells you is this odd squak/squeak after eating. He also screams after his bottles. He also coughs now and then. So add that to the bad bad bad sleeping and you have reflux.

At this point the pediatrician has put him on rice cereal in the bottle to see if that helps. He has had one bottle with the cereal and all I have noticed is that he has promptly passed out after he ate. I am guessing he is full! The idea is that his food is heavier so it doesn't reflux up anymore. If this doesn't work, he will have to go on meds. Either way, I want him to stop hurting. I cry when he cries. I cry because he cried. I cry because I am tired of the crying. Endless cycle.

Now, not knowing the cause, the lack of sleep was making me nuts. No matter what I tried, getting more than 20 minutes was impossible. Eventually I figured out that laying next to him on the guest bed (no fluffy pillows or blankets around) he would sleep and sleep and sleep. Now, this means I sleep too but not really because I stay in this consciousness that I can't roll over or re-situate because I don't want to roll on him. BUT it's better than sleeping sitting up or not sleeping because he is in his crib fussing.

However, it also means I don't sleep in my own bed, hardly ever, and that he isn't in the most recommended sleeping conditions. He needs to be in his crib/bassinet.

Today at my Dr, he talked with me and determined that I needed to be on something to "take the edge off." Basically to help me deal with the small anxiety of the day so that I am not always crying or snapping. He wants me to be able to deal with the big things (baby, husband, dogs, bills) and not focus so much on the little silly things. And to not react so strongly to the crying while we wait on his sleep and fussiness to get better so that I am sleeping.

It's hard. It's hard to admit that I am not supermom. I can't do it all. I can't be alone all day and all night (other than evenings when Lee is here and can help, but he needs sleep to go to work) with a crying baby. He wanted to catch me when I was more "advanced baby blues" and less PPD freaking out.
I can't be this tired anymore. It's beyond "tired new mom" - it's full on sleep deprivation. I need to be myself again and be a great mom, great wife, great friend, and great person.

There you go. It's out there. I am a new mom, I needed help, and I am not perfect.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

5 weeks... a blur...

This last 5 weeks with Logan has been a blur. Sleep deprivation is no joke let me tell you.

Today I started doing 2 oz breast milk and 2 oz Enfamil Newborn Formula and I started at 7am and have done it every 3 hours hoping to get us on a schedule - as every singe book says to do. The idea is that from 7am - 10pm you feed him every 3 hours, and that should satisfy most of his calorie needs for the day - and he should be left to sleep as long as he wants at night. It may be 3 hours for a few days but eventually he will start stretching to 4 hours or longer.

My boss stopped by today for a visit and said the best thing is when you get 4 hours, get up and give a bottle, and get 4 more hours. THEN you start to feel like a human being. Her baby, on the Babywise schedule, slept better at night around 6 weeks. I know this isn't going to happen over night or even over a week, but I have to give myself some structure to try and stick to.

It's not that I didn't know I would be getting up at night to feed him. The problem lies in the sleepless DAYS too. When he doesn't nap (because he is either hungry or over-tired and screaming) then I don't nap. So that means the only sleep I get is the one or 2 times he sleeps 3 hours at night. Not cutting it.

I can't wait to stop feeling like a crazy, emotional, inept mother.

But when you see this face:

You kind of forgive a little of the fussing, screaming, non-sleeping he is doing.

And you might kiss those cheeks too... and smell the hair..
Just maybe ;)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Years Day

Today, like most years, I took down all the Christmas decor around the living room. Lee and Donald put the tree back in the garage, and brought the treadmill back in. I don't really know if I am allowed to do much exercise yet, so I will ask at my 6 week appointment in 2 weeks.

Nope, not procrastinating at all...

I tried on some old pants while putting my pre-baby clothes back in the closet. There is one pair that is too small that I love so those will be my goal pants. Try them on each week until the fit (not tight, actually fit).

In total opposite of that goal, I made cookies today:I love these so much. Recipe here: Spiced Snow Cap Cookies
I always find the chocolate pieces in the bulk section at Central Market. I am not sure where in other cities you would find them.. maybe a candy store?? I am sure a plain chocolate disk would be just fine!

While digging out old clothes and hanging them up - I walked through the living room to find this:Logan is getting so big already! He is getting a little tummy, went up to size 1 diapers today, and is filling out in the face:
The size 1 diapers are still a little big, but we were having... leaking issues with the newborn, which made me think they were a tad small.

There are limits to what Shout Stain Remover can do...

Now I think I will shop for some red flats. I have always wanted a pair of red flats and when I go back to work in March, I will have them!