Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Firsts

I owe you vacation picks - but I have yet to have time to edit them so I don't have them ready yet.

I thought I would touch base on something that happened while we were in Hawaii. Something that has never happened to me before.

I had a panic attack.

Guys, it was something else.

The racing heart. The sweaty forehead. The need to hide.

Overwhelming.

Here's the story...

It's Wednesday and the night of the big banquet dinner. Lee and I are all dressed up and ready to have a nice night. We go to the ballroom and the minute we walk in the door we are assaulted with noise.

Unbelievable amounts of noise.

Imagine if you will walking into a room of 780 people, the decor in bright reds and yellows. On 4 pedestals are people dressed up as the Beatles "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club."

It's freaking bizarre and these people are SHOUTING at us, trying to help us find our tables. The issue is that all four people are coming out of the speakers at the same time. It's like a schizophrenic nightmare of epic proportions.

We find our table and endure this noise for at least 10 more minutes. Every minute that goes by I am getting more and more anxious and want to leave. The problem is I can't leave. It's a dinner where we are sitting with Lee's boss and fellow colleagues. This makes me feel trapped.

I start wishing I had a little of this in my bag:

I make it through the salad course, not eating anything. The appetizers come and I still can't eat. I have left and come back once already and everytime I start to calm down, the noise starts again. At this point, they have brought out these brothers who beatbox.

Beatboxing? What the hell does that have to do with (A) Sgt. Pepper's and (B) Hawaii?

I lose it and have to leave right as the main course is being served. I went back to the room and laid on the bed in the dark, taking deep breaths. Lee comes in a little later and I start crying because I not only left this dinner, but I left him. He is more than understanding. Eventually, I have cried all the tears, wished I was home, and exhausted myself.

The next day I felt this weight in my chest the entire day. To tell you the truth, it hasn't quite left. I am super anxious. My heart keeps racing. I get the shivers. I keep finding my shoulders up by my ears.

I am seeing a Dr on Wednesday to see what's up. I need some chill pills. I need something to help me cope with all the stress and responsibility in life these days.

For instance - after missing work for a week, Logan got another ear infection today. So on top of stress of catching up at work, I am stressed that Logan is sick again. AGAIN.

Wine just isn't enough these days... 

I promise, fun happy photos will be up SOON!

Photobucket

4 comments:

Simply Kelly Blog said...

We all need some xanax in our lives. I used to get panic attacks really bad where my ears would turn read and my neck would be on fire and I couldn't feel calm. My doctor prescribed me xanax and when I feel one coming up, I pop one of those babies and in a few minutes feel calm again. Good luck at the doctors.

Amanda C. said...

That sounds terrible. You shouldn't feel bad though. It just happens sometimes. Hope you get to feeling better soon.

averyswifeliz said...

I suffer from anxiety and I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. Hang in there hon, you'll get through this with flying colors.

*Hugs, Liz

handflapper said...

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry. I have been having monster anxiety verging on panic attacks myself lately. They only happen at night, as I'm trying to sleep, so I'm not getting much sleep! I don't know what that's about. I don't even consciously feel anxious. Hope you get some happy meds and you and Logan feel better and stay better!