Mother's Day 4.0

Today is Mother's Day. It is only my 4th but this year it really seems to mean something to me.

This year is the first year I had to really stand up for my kid and fight for him.
I had to stop myself and look harder at him and understand him.
I had to reach beyond what I knew I could do and make a plan to help him be the best kid he can be.

I love being a mother. Most of the time I struggle with it. I have even stopped and thought "why did I do this?"
After the last few months, some of that has changed. I have a clearer understanding of why being a mother (in my eyes) was so much harder than I understood it to be. Now that we have a plan working for Logan, it's easier.

Oh it's still hard, trust me.

But I no longer sit around pondering what the hell I've been doing wrong.

Nothing.

To take it a step further, I am quitting my job in September to stay home full time with the new baby, Ellie, and to be more available and less stressed for Logan.

What kind of mother will I be when I haven't had a full day of meetings and problems to solve?

What kind of mother will I be when I have had chances in the day to refill my own cup of needs while the baby is asleep?

Sure, not all days will be magic and flowers, but I believe that being able to go for a walk on the bayou instead of rushing through traffic for a meeting that could have been handled on the phone has to be better - for everyone.

I'm looking forward to what our life will look like come September. Adding this surprise baby to the family is something I have no idea how to prepare for mentally or physically, but spiritually I am working hard at it.

Happy Mother's Day to all those mothers out there who, like me, are still figuring it out.

One luke-warm cup of coffee at a time.