Pass the snorkel...

That whole "just keep swimming" phrase was created just for me. I am convinced of this!

Don't worry, I'm not about to pout online again about being busy or upset.

Logan is doing better these days but still has some challenges I am trying to address. The hardest part is that he is just the sweetest kid ever. Full of kisses and hugs and random "I love you mommy!" So watching him get so angry/frustrated over pretty much nothing is tough. He is doing great at school, especially after the room change. His new teacher told me last week she is really enjoying him and he is just a little sponge for knowledge! Our little road here with Logan will forever be a process, I am sure.

We started setting up the nursery last weekend. Crib, rocking chair, and dresser are all in place. We need a few more essentials (changing pad, mattress, diaper pail, etc) but it's coming together. I sat quietly in her room last night and took all the tags off the onesies and hung up all the pretty dresses. I have an entire laundry basket of items that need to be washed and put away already. I still don't think we have enough basics in clothing but I know one trip to Carters on a sale day and I'll be set.

I only have a month left of work until I take an extended leave/quit. My initial idea was to just quit. My boss is trying to find creative ways to keep me around so now I have said that I will do nothing until January and then maybe I can work from home a few hours a week on non-essential issues to help the other staff keep working hard for the clients. This way my brain will stay active!

I am looking forward, in a way, to this new life headed towards me. I joined a beautiful and fancy new gym/studio that will have child care on top of Pilates, Yoga, Barre classes and showers full of fancy toiletries. This helps me know that I have a plan to lose the weight I want plus actually get a shower most days. That's a large hurdle with a baby.

In some ways, I have always seen myself as a stay at home mom. PTA, Bake sales, cookies with homework... Dinner on the table on time? (I kind of feel like I am kidding myself on that one). With Lee's extensive travel we both felt that my being home was the best solution to how crazy life has been and is about to be.

I have a few items arriving this week and then I can take a few shots of the baby room.

Friday we are headed to Dallas to go to Great Wolf Lodge for a little family vaca. Logan is super excited and sings the days of the week song every morning to see what day we are on.

Countdown to baby is around 8 weeks. September 28th.

Two kids. Something I never envisioned and I am super terrified about but...

Just keep swimming.

Thankful

The thing about blogging that gets me is about how in the moment it is. You share about what you are thinking, feeling, hating, loving, etc RIGHT THEN.

I feel I need to apologize for the debbie-downer posts of late but I won't because it's what I was going through at the moment and I needed to get it out.

So let's focus on some good, shall we?

1 - Ellie (in the belly as she is referred to at my office) is A - OK! All is well. She just has to grow for the next 10 weeks. I'm concerned about how much MORE uncomfortable I will be as she gets bigger. She has had a foot in my rib cage ALL DAY today - just moving it around all willy nilly with no real care about how I feel about it.

2 - Logan is amazing. We go through ups and downs with him, but that is normal for all parents and I have to actively remind myself of that. Just because he has some special behavioral/emotional issues that we address doesn't mean that when he gets mad at me when it's time to turn off the ipad and get in the bath tub that it isn't normal kid stuff. Some aspects of it aren't but that is what I address and then I get his dirty boy booty in the tub and move on.

He changed rooms in his school this week. Partially because it was time because of his age vs. the age of the kids in the room. Mostly because his teacher was not following through with the tools/advice that both myself and the school director had given for addressing issues she was having with him. I was appalled at her lack of cooperation and the director made the move swiftly upon my call up there to talk over what I was seeing and hearing. I am grateful that she was so accommodating. I wasn't asking for anything special and out of line.

3 - Lee and I are as happy as can be. He's the best husband I could have ever asked for. He lets me cry and be unreasonable and is loving and patient. I'm sure I'm pretty much Shrek most of the time. Angry, sweaty, super fun to deal with...

There you have it. An update with happy stuff and not just complaints about life being difficult.

"As long as it's healthy."

Ever hear the cliche "we don't care if it's a boy or girl, as long as it's healthy."

Well I am sitting here at the point where it doesn't sound like a silly saying anymore.

It's true.

So - the little spot on the heart has so far turned out to be nothing. It's common and not harmful and doesn't mean she has any issues.

Last week I went to the Dr and we did another ultrasound to double check the heart and check on her growth since she looked large.

My Dr. comes in and is like "well... now we found a little something between the heart and the lung in a spot where there shouldn't be anything. I need to refer to to a high risk Dr. to double check that."

Fabulous.

Then the whole "how have you been feeling?" conversation starts and after I whine about being so tired I can barely function, she decides I am more than likely depressed.

Well I am sure if I read back to the last 2 or 3 posts, it's more than likely true. 2015 has been killer and I am just not able to cope with it anymore.

So I call Lee and cry about this finding and depression and he is pissed he didn't go with me - though we both thought it was just a check up.

The next day the babysitter texts me as she picks up Logan from school. "He got into a fist fight today and was very aggressive with his friends. " So now my mind rewinds to January when all the stress with his behavior issues came to the surface.

Let's say no one should be surprised when I spontaneously burst into tears in the car Friday in the HEB parking lot and cried for at least 10 minutes. Lee just watched and Logan was confused.

Today we were supposed to see the Dr. about the ultrasound. I had ANOTHER ultrasound and the tech seemed confused as to what she was looking for, so I guess that's good. The genetic counselor didn't see anything concerning on her end. And the Dr. was stuck at the hospital delivering twins. So the one person I needed to see to ease our worries didn't show up.

I really miss those large glasses of wine right now.

Baby Ellie looks great. She is estimated about 2.5 pounds and is moving all the time. All I can do is sit and pray (and worry, let's face it) and hope she is healthy.

Prayers are welcome.