Sunday, March 4, 2012

Play Gym

Around the time Logan was 9 months, we started to explore our options on giving him something to do besides destroy play in the living room. I mean how can we compare to a room like this?

First we tried Little Gym, but that was a little far from our house and the time was pretty early. So we moved on to the next choice: Gymboree.

I want to preface this post by saying I have nothing against Gymboree. I think it's a great outlet for kids to play and learn. 

So, this last Saturday we headed out to play and we were excited since it would be Logan's first time going since he started walking. We thought he would have more fun and be able to participate in more things.

This actually meant he wanted nothing to do with circle time and was all "eff you guys, I am going over here." You know what? Fine with me. It's 9:30am, I have had one cup of coffee and a crappy night of sleep thanks to this cold. Have a great time and call me when you are through, buddy.

About half way through the session, Lee decided that we are done with this program - seeing how there are less expensive ways to let Logan "free play." I translated this into "we will have more money for you to buy all those things you see on Pinterest." So I agreed.

As Lee sprinted walked to the front desk to cancel, I looked around at the types of mommies that were in the room.

I consider myself pretty damn laid back. Yoga pants with a t-shirt and flops is my normal weekend attire. If my kid doesn't want to eat what I made for dinner, I simply open him up a can of chicken noodle soup and some gold fish and drink some wine. No boogie wipe? That's what the corner of my 1995 Jimmy Buffett concert t-shirt is for buddy!

But these mommies.. they are a sight to be seen. I narrowed it down to 4 types of mommies that bring their kid to a Play Gym.

1. Comparison mommy: "OH! MY! GOODNESS! Isabella has been walking since she was 10 months!!! How about your baby?" - this mommy wants to go play by play through your and her child's life, while mentally keeping a score card. She actively engages everyone in conversation while the kids are playing and we all try to avoid eye contact. All the while I am standing there wishing for coffee to sip and throw in her face to make her shut.the.hell.up.

2. OVERENTHUSIASTIC MOMMY!:  This is the mommy standing by her kid screaming "GREAT JOB RICHIE!!!" while he gums a rubber ball and drools. I am all about encouraging your kid to do great things and letting him know you are proud, but I am not so much into doing so in front of a room of 15 women. This mommy is usually cornered by Comparison Mommy.

3. Mommy of twins: nope, don't even try to talk to her. She doesn't have time. She also doesn't appreciate the statement "Wow! Twins! I bet you have your hands full!" I wish at this point she would punch Overenthusiastic Mommy in the face. I would buy her and her mother (who has to come with to wrangle one of the kids) a coffee.

4. Not Quite Awake Mommy: This is me. I show up, plop my kid on the mat, and watch him take off. I stay close so he doesn't throw himself off a slide, but otherwise don't force him to do very much. We go up and down slides and through tunnels, but mostly just walk around the room and throw things. All the while, I am dreaming of the Starbucks Drivethrough afterwards while Logan is rewarded with a snack cup of teddy grahams.

What about you? Which Play Gym Mommy do you despise?



Joshua said...

I'm option five: Worrier Dad.

Amber said...

1. does Comparison mommy also dress and smell way better than everyone else? See her perfect kid gives her time to shower shave and get a blow out! But by the time her kid is 3 it will get really hard for her to keep up the act and either crack like Humpty Dumpty or have her Dr. put her on so much medication that she never sleeps and becomes the dreaded over achieving room mom!
Hmmm I think I might have lived in a neighborhood full to the brim with mom #1!

Missy said...

haha...this is so true!!

Simply Kelly Blog said...

Too funny!!! Love the 4 types of mommies.