Two

Ellie is One Month Old today. Wow.

I have two kids.

TWO.

I won't sugar coat that I have had some hard moments - which I am sure is expected as I navigate two tiny humans that need me at the same time... 

Lee is currently on this second business trip. Last weeks was hard since it was my first time alone for two nights with them both. This one has gone a little smoother. I have learned I have to be out of bed by 6:30am - even if the baby is asleep (Logan is almost always awake) so that I can pump, start coffee, feed Ellie, feed Logan, feed the dogs and give Teddy his insulin, dress logan, hopefully shower and dress myself, and get out the door to get Logan to school before 8:30. In fact I try to get him there before 8:15 because they have free play before 8:30 and he loves it.

Last night was hard because Ellie was fussy during Logan's bedtime. I am hard headed and I am refusing to bring her into his bedroom while we have our routine. I want to keep his bedtime our special time. It was hard reading him a book and hearing her fuss in the next room but she was fine.

Logan has gone through a few struggles getting used to his new sister but we are so so proud of how he is doing. His regression is mainly some accidents in is pants and biting at school. His school is being incredibly patient and loving as he gets over the hump.

He loves Ellie. He wants to take care of her and calls it "brothering." He watched Ellie while I showered yesterday and I told him to come get me if she starts to cry. He never did. I quietly walked in to find this:

He told me he was talking to her like a cat. Ha!
We were getting him dressed and she started to fuss and he said "I need to get back to brothering!" and he ran to her and said "Ellie I am here!" So sweet.

Sleep isn't so bad - not as bad as I had envisioned. yeah some nights suck but some are easier. I try to nap in the day if I can.

Chilling in the Playroom

Ellie has grown so much in the last month and is starting to be more alert. We are really enjoying her!

Bear with me as I figure out - Mom of Two..

Ready for Church!

Eleanor is here!

Our sweet little surprise baby girl is here! She was born on September 28th at 1:28PM via C-section with no drama or issues at all.

7 pounds, 2 ounces, 20 inches long.

Perfect.

She sleeps a lot at the moment, which is nice. Nights aren't so bad at all. She is a good eater so she is already sleeping 3 hours in a row. I can steal a little time in the mornings (if she wakes before 6) by putting her next to me in bed. She likes the body heat. This way I can get up when Logan gets up and steal about another 45minutes/hour of sleep. Doing this last night I was able to sleep from 2:30-almost 6:30! I feel great this morning with that little extra sleep.

She is super easy, especially compared to Logan. Some of this is because I know what to do with her and some is just her temperament as a baby.

Nursing didn't work out because of her latching issues, but I am pumping and bottle feeding her. I figured out how to pump and feed her a bottle at the same time in the middle of the night so that I can cut down on my awake time. I was only up from 1:45am - 2:30am last night because of this. We do have formula on hand just in case. I don't want to spend time and make her fussy by heating up milk so if I don't have fresh milk in a bottle I just do the formula to get us through the night. So far, she gets maybe one bottle of it a day.

Logan is doing pretty well. He LOVES her and the only issues we are seeing are some attention seeking behaviors - mainly whining and acting especially hyper. We are doing our best to be patient with him. He likes to help feed her, hold her, and watch me change her diaper.

Probably something my Dr wouldn't like, we went to the park Saturday and Sunday. I put Ellie in a carrier and I sat in the shade while Lee and Logan played. We are trying to keep Logan's days as normal as we can. I am trying not to over-do it but with an active preschooler, my option to sit around all day isn't there on weekends.

I'm elated at how things are going so far. I am healing well, very little pain or discomfort. Sleeping better than expected, and multi-tasking like a champ.

I am looking forward to my new adventure as a stay at home mom. I can't wait until I can go for long walks around the neighborhood and for the new gym I joined, Equinox, to open in December. Ellie and I will be ladies who lunch while Logan is in school. Fall weather blessed us this weekend and I am anxious to get out with the stroller and get active again. Time to get some of this baby weight off and get healthy.

The next hurdle is to make it through Lee's first business trip in a few weeks. I am hoping by this time Logan is a little more settled in but otherwise we will make it work!

One Week Left...

This is my last week of having an Only Child.

I still don't know how I really feel about it.

I have spent the last 9 months - 9 long months with scary ultrasounds and awful symptoms - with this baby girl growing in my belly. Every day of these 9 months I have had the same thought.

How is this going to work?

I have come to realize that I have NO IDEA. I won't know until she is here.

Then, we have to deal with that awesome phenomenon that comes with babies/kids:

Figure it out. Then they will change. 

EFF.

Ellie better be ready to just go with the flow. Her big brother is fast and on the go all the time. Time won't stop for her like it did when he was born. Sure, we will have Monday - Friday while Logan is in school to sit and rest. Saturday and Sunday will be a little different. GO GO GO.

We are "ready" in every other sense of having a baby. Crib. Play yards. Swings, bouncies, boppies... Diapers. Car seat. Clothes.

My to-do list is done. I have nested and re-done every closet in the house. The playroom is re-organized and Logan is enjoying being able to find his toys. Meals are in the freezer and sides are in the pantry. New cable is being installed today and the sofas are all being cleaned tomorrow. I even returned library books today a few days early.

That's it. There is nothing left to do.

That may be the scariest part....

Loving it...

This marks week three of staying home.

I love it.

My house is clean.

I have candles going.

The groceries are taken care of.

I am cooking all the time and I am not stressed about what time dinner is on the table.

I'm not stressed much at all actually.

Today I had my coffee at the table with Logan while the doors to the back were open to let the 68 degree weather in the house. After I got him all dropped off at school I headed to Target.

One thing on my list there was a bottle. Though my goal is to nurse Ellie, I know that with Logan it went terribly and I want to be prepared in case it goes south this time as well. However, Logan and I went nuts with bottles. Some made him spit up. Some had too many parts (*ahem* Dr Brown *ahem*) I received a free Avent bottle in the mail after putting my name on some list at the maternity store. This happens to be the bottle we stuck with for Logan.

I didn't want to have just one bottle in the house, but I also am not going out and purchasing a ton. I wanted to get one of the new Munchkin bottles because they look really interesting in regards to nursing and air flow.

$80 later  (oops) I left Target and headed to Highland Village shopping center. I needed to get a few items to decorate Ellie's room as well as a new Toaster and some bread mixes at Williams Sonoma.

The rest of my day is cleaning up the house, making one of those breads, and picking Logan up from school.

I am cherishing this time before Ellie comes to recharge myself and get mentally ready for new baby. Her room is done and it's pretty much perfect.

Sorry, the lighting is odd..

Complete with loyal schnauzer 

Logan's stool for "helping"

I have a few new items to put on the shelves above the changing area. Otherwise the drawers are full of clothes. The diapers and wipes are organized in the cart, and the diaper bag has some odds and ends ready for our first outing.

I better get that car seat installed... two weeks left!

Dinner for.. Two?

Last night, I used my little bit of extra energy to whip up this amazing recipe I found on .... wait for it.. Pinterest.

Who needs cookbooks anymore, seriously?

I do. I covet them and the photos.

Anywhoo, I had pinned this a few weeks ago so I was excited to make it.

Skillet Dijon Chicken Penne

We devoured it.

I told Lee the funny thing is the recipe says serves 4, but we ate all of it between the two of us.

He said "Well really it serves 3. Ellie ate some too."

Clever.

Week Two

I am in the middle of Week Two as a Stay At Home Mom.

My house is pretty darn clean.
ALL the laundry is done.
All the errands are run.

Now what?

I'm trying to follow orders on laying on the sofa and drinking water. I need something fascinating or really entertaining to watch on TV/Netflix/Hulu/Amazon. I tried re-watching True-Blood. Gave up in episode 2.
How did I make it through all 7 seasons last time?
I made it through a few seasons of Desperate Housewives. Again, just ok.

I realize that once Ellie is here I am not going to be so bored, BUT I will still need something to watch on tv during the day...

This weekend we stayed pretty low key. The heat is causing me to get pretty dizzy off and on. I even missed out on pool time Sunday and Monday because I was feeling yucky. Logan and Lee had a blast though. I am loving watching them have fun together. I know Logan will lean on Lee a lot after the baby comes.

I am starting my freezer meals this week. Instead of spending a whole day on my feet cooking I am choosing two meals this week and next that I can cook double of. I also plan to make a pan of plain meatballs that can easily be added to noodles and sauce or used other ways in a pinch.

This week I have made these Enchiladas - and they are DIVINE.

Creamy Green Chili Chicken Enchiladas

Tomorrow I plan cooking up one of my favorite stuffed shells recipe and freezing a 8x8 pan of them.

Three Cheese Stuffed Shells

I have some tamales already frozen and I am focusing on keeping sides in the pantry (rice, beans, etc) and that way Lee just needs to pick up fresh veggies as needed to add salads on the side.

Last time we didn't have a chance to have any food in the freezer before Logan came and it was tough around dinner to come up with something easy. My hope is that Lee just has to turn on the oven and pop something in.

Otherwise my first shipment of Honest Diapers arrived today. I unpacked a few into the diaper cart I am using, put some in the diaper bag, and stashed the rest. I looked around and I really feel like for the amount of diapers and wipes (plus a throw in of travel wipes!) it is a great deal. I looked at Pampers on Amazon (with subscribe and save) and the diapers alone were as much as the bundle from Honest and that didn't include any wipes. We will see how Ellie does in them. I do have a small package of pampers newborn as back up.

I can't believe that in 3 weeks we will have a baby girl and be a family of four...

September 1st

Today is September 1st.

My second day as a stay at home mom.

I'm a little bored to be honest.

This is mainly because my Dr. told me to rest and drink water because my amniotic fluid was low. Therefore I have spent since about 8:30am sitting on the couch watching Hulu and dozing.

I don't have as much guilt or heartache over leaving my job as I thought I would. I do miss my coworkers and the jokes and conversation we had during the day. It feels weird that I don't have a desk to go back to. If I do pick up some hours I will do so from home.

Once Ellie arrives I am sure I will be too tired and busy to think much about those things. My days will be filled with diapers and naps and fussy time. Logan will come home from school and I will be focusing on giving him the attention he needs and getting his dinner and stories and play time taken care of.

For the next few weeks I'm on this sofa for most of the time. I have a few items to take care of - like freezer meals, a trip or two to Target, and packing my bag and making a list for the hospital.

Otherwise I am trying to give Logan all the hugs and kisses I can and tell him over and over again that he is my special boy and Mommy and Daddy think he will be the best big brother ever.

Starbucks Date

Back to School Haircut

With or without new haircuts :)

Pass the snorkel...

That whole "just keep swimming" phrase was created just for me. I am convinced of this!

Don't worry, I'm not about to pout online again about being busy or upset.

Logan is doing better these days but still has some challenges I am trying to address. The hardest part is that he is just the sweetest kid ever. Full of kisses and hugs and random "I love you mommy!" So watching him get so angry/frustrated over pretty much nothing is tough. He is doing great at school, especially after the room change. His new teacher told me last week she is really enjoying him and he is just a little sponge for knowledge! Our little road here with Logan will forever be a process, I am sure.

We started setting up the nursery last weekend. Crib, rocking chair, and dresser are all in place. We need a few more essentials (changing pad, mattress, diaper pail, etc) but it's coming together. I sat quietly in her room last night and took all the tags off the onesies and hung up all the pretty dresses. I have an entire laundry basket of items that need to be washed and put away already. I still don't think we have enough basics in clothing but I know one trip to Carters on a sale day and I'll be set.

I only have a month left of work until I take an extended leave/quit. My initial idea was to just quit. My boss is trying to find creative ways to keep me around so now I have said that I will do nothing until January and then maybe I can work from home a few hours a week on non-essential issues to help the other staff keep working hard for the clients. This way my brain will stay active!

I am looking forward, in a way, to this new life headed towards me. I joined a beautiful and fancy new gym/studio that will have child care on top of Pilates, Yoga, Barre classes and showers full of fancy toiletries. This helps me know that I have a plan to lose the weight I want plus actually get a shower most days. That's a large hurdle with a baby.

In some ways, I have always seen myself as a stay at home mom. PTA, Bake sales, cookies with homework... Dinner on the table on time? (I kind of feel like I am kidding myself on that one). With Lee's extensive travel we both felt that my being home was the best solution to how crazy life has been and is about to be.

I have a few items arriving this week and then I can take a few shots of the baby room.

Friday we are headed to Dallas to go to Great Wolf Lodge for a little family vaca. Logan is super excited and sings the days of the week song every morning to see what day we are on.

Countdown to baby is around 8 weeks. September 28th.

Two kids. Something I never envisioned and I am super terrified about but...

Just keep swimming.

Thankful

The thing about blogging that gets me is about how in the moment it is. You share about what you are thinking, feeling, hating, loving, etc RIGHT THEN.

I feel I need to apologize for the debbie-downer posts of late but I won't because it's what I was going through at the moment and I needed to get it out.

So let's focus on some good, shall we?

1 - Ellie (in the belly as she is referred to at my office) is A - OK! All is well. She just has to grow for the next 10 weeks. I'm concerned about how much MORE uncomfortable I will be as she gets bigger. She has had a foot in my rib cage ALL DAY today - just moving it around all willy nilly with no real care about how I feel about it.

2 - Logan is amazing. We go through ups and downs with him, but that is normal for all parents and I have to actively remind myself of that. Just because he has some special behavioral/emotional issues that we address doesn't mean that when he gets mad at me when it's time to turn off the ipad and get in the bath tub that it isn't normal kid stuff. Some aspects of it aren't but that is what I address and then I get his dirty boy booty in the tub and move on.

He changed rooms in his school this week. Partially because it was time because of his age vs. the age of the kids in the room. Mostly because his teacher was not following through with the tools/advice that both myself and the school director had given for addressing issues she was having with him. I was appalled at her lack of cooperation and the director made the move swiftly upon my call up there to talk over what I was seeing and hearing. I am grateful that she was so accommodating. I wasn't asking for anything special and out of line.

3 - Lee and I are as happy as can be. He's the best husband I could have ever asked for. He lets me cry and be unreasonable and is loving and patient. I'm sure I'm pretty much Shrek most of the time. Angry, sweaty, super fun to deal with...

There you have it. An update with happy stuff and not just complaints about life being difficult.

"As long as it's healthy."

Ever hear the cliche "we don't care if it's a boy or girl, as long as it's healthy."

Well I am sitting here at the point where it doesn't sound like a silly saying anymore.

It's true.

So - the little spot on the heart has so far turned out to be nothing. It's common and not harmful and doesn't mean she has any issues.

Last week I went to the Dr and we did another ultrasound to double check the heart and check on her growth since she looked large.

My Dr. comes in and is like "well... now we found a little something between the heart and the lung in a spot where there shouldn't be anything. I need to refer to to a high risk Dr. to double check that."

Fabulous.

Then the whole "how have you been feeling?" conversation starts and after I whine about being so tired I can barely function, she decides I am more than likely depressed.

Well I am sure if I read back to the last 2 or 3 posts, it's more than likely true. 2015 has been killer and I am just not able to cope with it anymore.

So I call Lee and cry about this finding and depression and he is pissed he didn't go with me - though we both thought it was just a check up.

The next day the babysitter texts me as she picks up Logan from school. "He got into a fist fight today and was very aggressive with his friends. " So now my mind rewinds to January when all the stress with his behavior issues came to the surface.

Let's say no one should be surprised when I spontaneously burst into tears in the car Friday in the HEB parking lot and cried for at least 10 minutes. Lee just watched and Logan was confused.

Today we were supposed to see the Dr. about the ultrasound. I had ANOTHER ultrasound and the tech seemed confused as to what she was looking for, so I guess that's good. The genetic counselor didn't see anything concerning on her end. And the Dr. was stuck at the hospital delivering twins. So the one person I needed to see to ease our worries didn't show up.

I really miss those large glasses of wine right now.

Baby Ellie looks great. She is estimated about 2.5 pounds and is moving all the time. All I can do is sit and pray (and worry, let's face it) and hope she is healthy.

Prayers are welcome.

Frazzled

2015. NOt a real fan at the moment.

I previously updated on our 2015 HERE
It hasn't improved very much.

We did find out we officially were having a girl back in May. I'm pretty jazzed about it because since she is quite the surprise in our lives, having one of each will be cool. Plus I hope it teaches Logan a little patience and how to be a protective older brother.

April and May were otherwise quiet for us so I should have known that June would be the next stressful time to jump out at us...

May 29th I had an ultrasound and there was a "bright spot" on the left ventricle of Ellie's heart (oh we confirmed again it IS a girl...) She had no other issues other than she is in the 96% of size and her belly is a little big. I am worried I am developing Gestational Diabetes but I can't do anything about that until my test on July 1.
So back to the bright spot.
It is considered to be a "soft marker" for chromosome issues like Downs and Trisomy 13. Don't google that... it's afwul.
So I spent from the 29th through June 8th terrified there was something wrong while I waited on the test results. Finally I got the all clear. *whew*.

In the meantime, we left on the 31st for Hawaii. We had a lovely time in Kauai at the Grand Hyatt for Lee's 100% Club (work incentive trip). We had been to the resort before so I knew I was going to enjoy my coconut latte's and the saltwater lagoon on the property.

We get home and all of a sudden.... the toilets won't flush. The showers won't drain.

Eff.

The initial fix wasn't going to be cheap but it wasn't as bad as we anticipated.

WRONG.

Currently my yard looks like this:

In the process of fixing the issue, it was discovered that all our pipes are cast iron in concrete and they are so badly disintegrating that they couldn't couple the new pipe with the old.

All. New. Pipes. to the city line (behind the pool).

Not cheap, folks.

At least they made sure we could function in the house until this was all fixed. Hopefully by Friday the trench is filled in and they can start fixing the patio they had to wreck.

Happy June.

Even our pastor said "Dude. you guys are having a cursed year."

'Nuff said.

A Friday in May

Logan's sleep has been ROUGH.

I mean - newborn level rough.

He has always been a little iffy on the sleep thing, especially as a newborn. I have read a lot on ADHD and I know it's common for little ones like him. There is so! much! to think about!! and settling down is hard. Then when you wake up to pee there are other! things! so! exciting! This morning he woke me up at 4 (after waking me up at 1 after not falling asleep until 9...) and asked for the iPad. Bright eyed awake. Ready for the day.

Of course I told him no.

Anywhoo, this leads me to today. I left work at 12 after a long client meeting. I shopped a little in the Galleria (where my meeting was in the adjacent office building) and stumbled upon Zara...
It is disturbing the amount I could (and probably will) spend in this store.
For instance:

I die from the cute.

I am now dead twice from the cute!

Logan tried on a pair of his swim trunks last weekend and there were...snug. So I grabbed him a pair of these for like $15!!

Aloha!

After that I grabbed a sandwich on the way back towards the office. I realized, at nearly 1pm, that I should just go work from home.

So I did.

I'm tired. Pregnant. Hormonal. And I have the ability to work from my house in my cotton pants while watching the current Mad Men marathon. Why not?!

Then I saw this:

Pinch of Yum

So I made them.
Duh (re: pregnant. hormonal. home alone)

Don't get me wrong. I DID work as well. I may or may not nap (it's only 3:30 currently and Logan/Lee won't be home for 2 hours).

But this time alone at home with cookies, Mad Men, and emails... this introvert needed it!

Tonight we are playing Candy Land and Hi Ho Cheerio tonight for our very first family game night. Those who understand Logan and our struggles realize the accomplishment of sitting down for a board game... File it under things I didn't think were possible.

Enjoy your weekend (if you are still there - I know I take long breaks...)

Mother's Day 4.0

Today is Mother's Day. It is only my 4th but this year it really seems to mean something to me.

This year is the first year I had to really stand up for my kid and fight for him.
I had to stop myself and look harder at him and understand him.
I had to reach beyond what I knew I could do and make a plan to help him be the best kid he can be.

I love being a mother. Most of the time I struggle with it. I have even stopped and thought "why did I do this?"
After the last few months, some of that has changed. I have a clearer understanding of why being a mother (in my eyes) was so much harder than I understood it to be. Now that we have a plan working for Logan, it's easier.

Oh it's still hard, trust me.

But I no longer sit around pondering what the hell I've been doing wrong.

Nothing.

To take it a step further, I am quitting my job in September to stay home full time with the new baby, Ellie, and to be more available and less stressed for Logan.

What kind of mother will I be when I haven't had a full day of meetings and problems to solve?

What kind of mother will I be when I have had chances in the day to refill my own cup of needs while the baby is asleep?

Sure, not all days will be magic and flowers, but I believe that being able to go for a walk on the bayou instead of rushing through traffic for a meeting that could have been handled on the phone has to be better - for everyone.

I'm looking forward to what our life will look like come September. Adding this surprise baby to the family is something I have no idea how to prepare for mentally or physically, but spiritually I am working hard at it.

Happy Mother's Day to all those mothers out there who, like me, are still figuring it out.

One luke-warm cup of coffee at a time.

Welcome to 2015

Life is changing quickly around our house and I believe that means I need to get back to documenting it for us!

Let me catch you up on the fun-filled events of 2015 thus far...

January: Logan showed some extreme behavior issues that got so bad we were asked to leave preschool... abruptly. It took almost 2 weeks to get him back into a place and we ultimately ended up in a M-F Mother's Day Out in a neighborhood church. We are pretty open about the fact we have Logan in Play Group Therapy and he has been 3-times confirmed with ADHD. We are in the middle of figuring out our treatment options with him and he stars Pre-K in June..

February: Oh Hi - unexpected pregnancy! Even with a Paragaurd IUD - I confirmed I was pregnant on February 3rd.. (at this point I am 14 weeks and it could be a girl..)
Let's also replace our entire A/C system in the house since it was old as dirt...

March: The pool house (which makes us sound more glamorous than we are) is having flooring issues with the hardwoods. Come to find out there is moisture on the slab and the wood buckled. It even has mildew on the bottom of the boards. Now we have to rip it all out, put down a moisture barrier, and replace with porcelain tile. I guess I'll just be happy I can pull some strings on getting the tile cheap...

April: Well we are only 8 days in so let's just cross our fingers we have a less stressful month. Lee and I are headed to Naples, FL on the 15th to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. We originally planned Napa but... pregnant... so it's beach and a private cabana instead!

Otherwise I can be happy we are all healthy and happy. Work is hectic but I am sure it feels worse based on the stresses we are feeling at home. I am trying to say my prayers and be thankful for the good things in life.

If I don't do that, I would just lose my mind!