Monday, June 20, 2011

Something doesn't fit...

I have always been a little on the outside of the crowd.

The easiest way to describe this is High School. Think about when you were in school and how groups divided themselves.

Preppies: Wealthy, pretty, well dressed, nice cars, stuck up
Geeks: Liked Math, made good grades, studied too much, on the debate team
Artsy: In theater and in choir, read strange books, love musicals, always had a sketch pad
Outcast: Poor, rides the school bus, probably smokes
Jocks: They love the preppies
Rednecks: Drive trucks, dip Skoal, hang out in the parking lot until first bell, in the "work program," possibly in FFA.

I feel like I was a little bit different. I had friends in EVERY category. I didn't really belong in one group. I was in theater and choir, dated a few rednecks and outcasts,d and I made all A's.. I had my 4 close friends and now and then would hang out with someone from a different group. Sometimes, friends from one side (preppies) would get a little put off if you were hanging with the other crowd (rednecks) and you would have to walk the fine line of forgiveness.

The funny thing is, this type of thing follows you in your adult life.

In college I joined a sorority. I do not regret that I did so, but I never, not one day, felt like I belonged. I was too old when I joined and all the older girls graduated while I was still pledging. My big sister was 3 years younger than me. I was set in my ways and didn't like being told what to do.  I ended up quitting, and to this day I don't know if that was the right decision.

My second job in Houston made me feel so small. I was young, eager, starving.... But we had the exact definition of "clackers." High heels, tight dresses, happy hour. I worked in the group, but was never included in the activities. I felt in the way all the time. All I wanted was to be asked to join in for lunch.

To this day, even in the groups we hang out in regularly, I am not always sure where I fit. Sometimes I don't feel as pretty. Sometimes I don't feel as smart.  Sometimes I don't feel well dressed enough.

It's hard to find comfort in your own skin and ignore "clicks" in your life. My father always told me "if you have enough truly good friends that you can count on one hand, you are blessed." I don't even know if I can say there are 5, but of the ones I have, they always make me feel like I fit.
 What about you - do you have this issue in life? What group were you in growing up?



Chloe said...

I think I was like you. I didn't fit.
But I'm okay with that. :)

lauren@warmandfuzzy said...

In high school I felt like I belonged...I was probably part of the popular crowd but when I went to college I was defintley part of the outsiders which I didnt like. I actually hung out with all of the popular fraternity/sorority people as they were my friends but I never pledged, couldnt afford it. I always felt left out. Not sure if they made me feel that way or they made me feel that way. I now have a group of girlfriends that I work with that I call my family. I have 3 of the best girlfriends that I wouldnt trade for anything and that I wouldnt change.

Carlin said...

I feel the same way!!!!

Tiffanie said...

I think our posts today can relate completely! I think the older I get the more I realize it's about being happy and less about fitting in. I need to try and remind myself about that everyday which is why I will be printing the picture I posted today out and hanging it above my desk at home and at work.

Emily said...

I think I straddled preppy and geek. I played golf which could put me in the preppy category, but it could just be a geek quality. I also never really feel like I fit in. Sometimes I wonder if I think I am closer to people than they feel to me. Self doubt jumps in.

Phil and Darby Hawley said...

Breann, I love your blog and love this post! Sometimes it's OK to not go along with the crowd. I don't think I fit well with a group either, especially in girl groups (I was also in a sorority but did not like the petty drama). I moved to Houston 4 years ago and love it! I just took the "tour" of your home and it looks amazing! I found your blog on the Design it Chic HOP and I'm definitely a new follower! I'm looking forward to more Nash stories :-)

Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy said...

I definitely never fit in! And I still don't. The farther I make it in life, the more I realize I don't really want to fit in though. If fitting in means just fitting in one category or clique, then I definitely don't want that, because I am more than just one characteristic, more than just a member of a group. I'm myself, and I like it that way.

Breann said...

You guys are all so right! Why is it, as women especially, we can't just be happy and condfident? Love you all so much!

Heather M said...

I absolutley have the same issues, and I never feel good enough or pretty enough or smart enough even at 30, I envisioned myself soooo different, like you in high school I was a little every were. I Just really want to be comfortable in my own skin! make me smile a little that Im not in this alone!

averyswifeliz said...

Wow, your sorority experience is eerily similar to mine. I also joined a sorority when I was "older" and my big sister was a year or 2 younger then me. I stuck it out, but always felt a little out of place. Especially since most of my sorority sisters only had each other for friends whereas I had a lot of friends that weren't in sororities.
I am not very close to any of my sorority sisters now.

Breann said...

Liz, I hear ya. I am "friends" with a few on facebook but I really don't see any of them. It's really no one's fault it was just one of those things. I didn't want to leave college going "I wish I would have joined, I bet I would have loved it!" Gotta try, right?