Sunday, September 11, 2011

10 years ago...

I had reservations about blogging about the Sept 11 10th anniversary today. I realize that many other bloggers out there will be doing the same.

Some will blog about where they were, how they found out.

Some will post photos of the towers on fire.

Some will blog about what it means to them today.

I am not really sure where to begin for one simple reason....

I had no idea what was going on when it happened.

I woke up late that day and skipped my first class. I was a Junior in college at Stephen F Austin in Nacogdoches, TX. I got on AOL Instant Messenger and was surfing the internet when a friend popped up and said "Are you watching tv? a plane hit the twin towers this morning!"
My first thought was: What are the twin towers?

I went into the living room and turned on the tv. At this point, the towers had both fallen. I saw the images as they replayed over and over. I had no idea what was going on. Why did this happen? Why did someone fly the planes into those buildings?


You don't hear much about Terrorism when you are growing up in East Texas. The only memory I have of Desert Storm is seeing the map on the news. I couldn't tell you one single thing about that war.

As the day went on, I went to class and I listened to the conversations around me. One teacher even said "yeah yeah I know what's on the news but we need to focus on the assignment." I wonder if he even knew what the real deal was.

I went back home and watched the news all day. My cousin joined me at one point. It took me longer than I can remember (or even admit) to really understand what happened and why. I just knew many many people had died. That alone made me so sad. This was the first time I could recall actually even hearing the words "World Trade Center."

As the years have gone on, I have watched the repeated news coverage and have been totally entranced by the reactions as things actually happened. I slept through all the beginnings.

I remember watching a report later that year on why the towers fell. As an Interior Design student, I was interested in the structure and how it was all put together. Come to find out, the towers were built to withstand the possibility of a Cessna hitting them, but never accounted for a jet liner full of fuel.

Other than increased security at the airports and the friends I have had go off to the war that followed - I still to this day can't really put a finger on how it has affected me. This is something I have never really told anyone and I guess I felt that being 10 years older, maybe it was time to admit that I was someone who had very little knowledge of the world outside of the U.S. or sometimes even Texas in general. I was young and in college and living life in a selfish state of mind, like many 20 year olds.

It's somewhat embarrassing to reveal how ignorant of the situation I was. I know this even affected everyone differently, and to talk of how long it took for it really affect me at all feels awful.

As hard as it was to write this post, it's even harder to find a decent way to close up. While I will spend the day with friends watching football, I will also spend the day hoping that the world becomes a safer place for my son to grow up in.


No comments: